Monday, 17th August, 2015

Weight: Don't know

Mum was up with me this morning. No weigh in again.

I saw myself in the mirror this morning, my collarbones are just peeking out. It's nice.

Why did I stop?

I'll have a "binge" day today, but keep it low, then start again tomorrow. Only reason I'm not starting now is I stupidly told mum and now she's gonna expect me to eat something, at least today anyway.

Basically I'm starting again ASAP because I lost a whole stone, only one more stone to go and three weeks til holiday. I could lose 3 stone!!

I have to say though, for the first long fast in over half a year, I think I did pretty well.

Now let's do better.

Later . . .

Ugh, I hate this. But, if I'm not honest here I'm just lying to myself.

Today I had:

> 2 small slices granary bread

> A cheese and onion sandwich

> Small pack of lightly salted popcorn

> Shaper Fruit Nougat Bar x 2

> Small homemade stem ginger cake

Urrrrrg I hate the feeling of this food inside me why did I ruin it...

But, I have a plan.

I'm skipping dinner tonight (I'm too full up mum) and tomorrow I'll go to the gym, burn off lots and then skipping dinner again to go out "drinking", but I'll stick to water and start fasting again tomorrow. Then it's just making excuses each evening.

I will do this! Plus today will boost my metabolism back up so I'll lose more weight hopefully.

Sunday, 16th August, 2015

Weight: 112

8st again. Am I really 8 stone? I used to think it was so much fatter than I feel right now. Oh well.

Sudden head pains, losing my voice and an utterly crushed heart.

I hope I go into a coma soon. Maybe if I fast for long enough I will.

Hope so.

Later . . .

I'm done.

Saturday, 15th August, 2015

Weight: Don't know

So I woke up late and had to rush, meaning no time for a weigh-in but 5 DAYS DONE! I'm on day 6 now! I'm so proud of myself for being so strong after such a long time of having no self-control.
I'm on my third bottle of water, which will make it 2.25 litres today so far, and will use the same excuse as before regarding dinner.

My ex, his girlfriend and I had an emotional discussion on Skype last night... I think he might end up dumping her... Which breaks my heart cause she's so lovely, but at the same time I really want him back...
Ugh it makes me feel like such a bastard.

Anyway, planning on not eating until Tuesday (9 days) and I now have the potential to make it ten, with a little cider thrown in, as next Tuesday all three of us plus another mate are going out for a drink together! I might not even have cider, I might even stick with water and watch them all get smashed...
But at the same time I love being drunk so much... So very much...

Well, we'll see. So far so good.

Later . . .

Part of me thinks "Almost 6 days! I'm doing so well! Everyone reading this will see how strong I am! I don't want to let them down!"

And another part of me cries "Why can't I just eat like a normal person, order pizza, enjoy myself and be happy?"

..... That's all I wanted to type for now really. This is kinda a diary so that's how I'm feeling....

Later . . .

Mum didn't even ask about dinner.

I don't even care anymore.

I hope this kills me.

Friday, 14th August, 2015

Weight: 115 (half dressed)

I feel great, I'm doing so well! I finish work at 5pm today so I'll use yesterday's excuse to get out of dinner tonight, and then that'll be 5 days! 5 days of water fasting (and one cider), I've lost almost a stone in 4 days, just like when I used to do this before, it still works!

Man I'm so happy, just gotta keep it up and keep drinking. I only had about 1.5 litres yesterday so that's not good... But I aim to do better today.

Nothing will stop me.

Later . . .

The excuse worked and I'm just finishing off my 4th 750ml bottle of water, which makes that 3 litres for today.

In many ways I want to stop and learn to eat like a normal person, but I'm doing so well...

Thursday, 13th August, 2015

Weight: Don't know

Mum was up early with me this morning so I didn't get a chance to weigh myself. She's annoyed with me because I texted her last night when she was only downstairs - which I did because I was upset and she'd have insisted on talking about it.

Also turns out I couldn't go to the gym this morning because I had to go and collect my exam results. I tried walking back, it's about 5 miles, but I got halfway and felt sick, so I got the bus for the next few hundred metres, then got off and walked again. In total, I burned 245 so not too bad really.

Still haven't eaten, and I'm seeing my ex on Tuesday so I aim to fast until then, making it a 9-day fast. I really wanted to binge last night but I refused to, even when mum said my parents would be having some light cheese and crackers, and I was welcome to join.

Carbs are killing us.

Later . . .
I'm doing good. I love work, barely any sitting down, I'm always up and walking, and still haven't let a morsel touch my lips. I have my excuse for tonight figured out ("I picked up dinner on the way home from work") and by tomorrow I'll have completed 4 days of this fast. This is my first time fasting in months and I'm so proud of myself for staying strong so far! I aim to keep it up.

On my lunch break,
RG: Eat.
Me: Nah I'm good

He didn't push it further, smart guy. I'm not gonna eat just yet.

Wednesday, 12th August, 2015

Weight: Don't know

So I got up this morning and was barely able to roll out of bed. Fasting is tiring when you exercise on top of it...

Skipped breakfast, obviously, then went to work for four hours, constant standing up.

I did want to go to the gym after work but I felt like if I did go, I would be disappointed in my progress (as my legs are still aching from yesterday), and that would lead to an "oh fuck it I'm useless at this I may as well binge" attitude (I know myself well).

However, I did walk the hour long journey back to my house instead, and my pedometer suggests I burned 145 by doing those 5000+ steps, which I may need later as I don't have an excuse yet to skip dinner... I'm going to try the "I had a big lunch" one, but I don't know if mum will buy it.

I've drunk 1.5 litres so far and been fasting for 2 days and 5 hours, so I'm quite pleased, plus if I make it through this evening I can fast for at LEAST 4 days, because I'm working late tomorrow, which also means gym in the morning.

Just got to keep going..

Tuesday, 11th August, 2015

Weight: 119lb

So, I'm still fasting, and off to the gym today! Just getting ready.

Right, so I'll need my:

> Bag - CHECK

> Towel - CHECK

> Shampoo & Conditioner - CHECK

> Shower gel - CHECK

> Deodorant - CHECK

> Normal Clothes; Top, Trousers, Socks -  CHECK

> Workout Clothes; Top, Bottoms, Socks - CHECK

> Hair comb - CHECK

> Full water bottle - CHECK

> Trainers - CHECK

Done. Ready to go burn calories. Plus it's a 30min walk to the gym anyway so that'll get my calorie burning going before I even get there!

Later . . .

I was aiming for 500, but for the first workout in over half a year, I think I did okay.

Plus, I've been fasting since yesterday morning, which is brilliant. Just need to find a way to escape dinner tonight....

Later . . .

Success! Went out bowling with my ex and his girlfriend, I did drink a pint of cider but I don't count alcohol as breaking fast, because the calories are then prioritised in your body to be burned first. My logic haha.

So, still haven't eaten, been to the gym, and I've drunk about 2 litres of water today. Awesome!

Anyway time to relax, I feel rather sick, and if I'm feeling okay tomorrow I'll go to the gym again, as I finish work early.

Ugh. I shouldn't have had that cider...

Monday, 10th August, 2015

Weight: 122.5lb (fully dressed, after breakfast)

So I'm starting today at 9am.

I'm having a bit of a binge for breakfast, to whack my metabolism into gear, then fasting for as long as I can.

So my cringeworthy breakfast is:

> 2 slices bacon

> 2 kitkats

> 1 Curly Wurly

> 1 Plain ice cream cone (aka just the cone)

> 3 small slices gluten free fruit bread

> 1 gluten free roll

Now I'm hoping that'll get my metabolism going, and then all I need to do is escape dinners with my parents.

Ugh choking down the roll right now and I can't wait to start fasting again a the feeling of food in my mouth is gross.

Nope I'm gonna throw away the rest of this roll, so

> 2/3 gluten free roll

Bleh. I'm joining the gym today too. I've decided.

Later . . .

I didn't want to take my lunch break for ages, so my colleague at work was like

RG: Go have your lunch break!

Me: (jokingly but actually serious) I wanna work all day!

RG: (shoves me through the staff door smiling) And you're not coming out until you've eaten!

Me: (under my breath) That'll be a long time...

Weirdly enough I kinda wish he was serious and locked me in for weeks....

In other news, I'm skipping dinner! Said to my ma I'll grab something on my way to the gym so awh yiss!

Feeling a tad sick, I've almost drunk 1.75 litres today which is good and I'm gonna try and get my litre bottle refilled and then empty again by the time I get home.

Sunday, 9th August, 2015

Weight: 126 (fully dressed)

So I used to blog every day, and I remember when I did that I lost a load of weight so I'm gonna do that again.

At the moment I've been fasting during the day and then eating dinner with my parents in the evening, but I think I'd like to start fasting 24/7 because I have one month to get to at least 98lb by September 10th.

It's gonna be tough.



Later. . .
I DID IT! I resisted one of my all-time fave meals! Roast Chicken Family Dinner - I had a small chicken thigh, 2 potato halves, and mostly boiled carrots/cabbage and boiled swede! I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF I EVEN SAID NO TO DESSERT!!!

I am actually so proud, and I fasted for 23.5hrs before that so heck yeeeaaah!
But it's gonna be tougher tomorrow because my ma's making Chicken & Mushroom Risotto, and she knows it's literally my No. 1 fave meal...... I'll try to get out of it, but if I can't I'll just have half of it. It's a low calorie meal (about 300 per serve) so it shouldn't be too bad for me.

And I can't wait for Tuesday and Wednesday - I don't have a gym membership but Tuesday is my day off so I'm gonna do a paid session at the gym, and same on Wednesday because I finish work at lunchtime.

I haven't been to the gym in so long..... I'm gonna aim for at least 500kcal, preferably 800, and UG is 1,000 to burn.