Heartfelt Desires - TRIGGER WARNING QUITE GRAPHIC

A poem by me....

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I want to die
Drink bleach until I cry
Eat tide pods til my insides fry

I want to die
Cut wrists and bleed out dry
Jump off a bridge and try but fail to fly

Why do I feel so down
Why do I feel so blue
What is the meaning of
All this shit I’m going through

What is there to live for
What is the point of this
I have no future left
No fucking reason to exist

I want to die
Let out a weary sigh
You think I’m happy well hey, I lied

I want to die
Round my neck I’ll tie
A piece of rope and breathe my last goodbye

Why do I feel so shit
What the fuck is this for
I want to fucking die
Collapse, fall to the floor

I said I’ve had enough
Don’t care if darkness won
Just let me have the balls
To do what needs to be done

I want to die.

Fate Says No

Plans to order sushi
Plans to eat some food
Still under 1,000
Should be pretty good

Go onto the website
Type my postcode in
Look for sushi restaurant
For my din din din

Website says "Closed" for sushi
Guess I'll fast today
At least I'll lose some extra weight
Hooray, hip-hip-hooray!

Cravings

The monster growls inside of me
Craving calories
The beast it hides beneath my bones
"Give me food!" it pleas

"Donuts! Pizza! Ice cream too!"
I shake my head in shame
"No," I say "We cannot see
our weight just stay the same!"

"Things will never change," I say,
"Until we fight the binge.
Beast you really test me so,
but I guarantee I'll win!"

The beast it growls in anger and
Sits inside it's cage
It has no control of me
But still I feel it's rage.

It paces back and forth inside
Urging me to eat
"I won't!" I cry, "I will not
give in to this defeat!"

And so I lose it, pound by pound
'Til happiness I find
I lose the weight, I win this war
And slowly lose my mind.

Madness

Madness. Madness!
It's madness they say
The desire for bones
Just won't go away

The desire to wither
The desire to fade
The desire to have
The future I made

The future I made
Inside of my head
A skeletal figure
Of me, nearly dead

Why must I have this
It's madness you see
It's madness to want this
Bones just for me

Don't get me wrong
Food is my life
In more ways than one
It's my ultimate strife

I eat just to eat
Not to fill a void
Then I starve just to starve
'Til body destroyed

Food is my love
My dearest obsession
The root of it all
My biggest depression

To eat or to not
That is the query
But whatever I choose
Is wrong. Do you see?

Thinner

Mocha in the morning

Seventy-nine

Nothing in the evening

Doing just fine

Latte the next morning

Sixty-nine

Nothing once again

I'm doing just fine

Nothing in the morning

I'm doing super fine

Nothing for the whole day

These bones are mine