Plans ft. A Brain Splurge

I have a plan, but I don't know how well it can work.

I plan to lose as much weight as possible before my birthday weekend this year, and then have 2-3 days of eating whatever I want (within reason; for example I can have whatever food I want, but I am not allowed to eat until I feel physically uncomfortable, which is what usually happens). I know I will gain, but I'm hoping that because I would have lost a significant amount, I'll only gain like 4 or 5 pounds over the weekend. Any more than that and it'll probably be food weight rather than actual weight.

After which, I will return to my restrictive eating, lose that small amount of excess weight, and continue to lose up until the end of the year.

At the end of the year, I will then be starting my Year Of Bones diet for 2018, and aim to reach my Ultimate Goal Weight of 70lb by the end of next year.

I don't know how well this will work, bingeing is always possible, but I'm not gonna let slip ups like that stop me.

I feel as though, once I've finally reached 70lb, I will finally be able to give up these behaviours and recover fully, because I would have finally achieved my goal.
Don't get me wrong, I'd love to give them up now, but I know I would only return to these behaviours, again and again, until I reached my goal.

A friend recently found this blog and my ED/Mental Health alias, and I'm kind of glad they did in a way.... because it means someone is keeping an eye on me. I just hope they understand that they can't stop me, and the best thing for them to do is be supportive, and allow me to talk freely. Because that is what I need, I need friends who, like my mum, know they can't change my mind but who will be there when I need them, and who will be someone I can joke to, saying things like "well I'm not eating so at least the food bill's low!"

Humour is such a big help when it comes to mental health, so many people don't realise this. To be able to joke freely about one's problems is, in my opinion, one of the most relaxing and comforting things. To be able to joke to your friends about your curses and demons, and for them to laugh along with you, that is truly a thing to be savoured.

I am proud to say that, with the addition of this friend's discovery, I now think I have 3 people I can do this with. 3 people who will support and love me no matter what.

And that, my fellow humanoids, is a gift.